Between the Broken and Beautiful

Between the broken and beautiful. That's where I sit today and most days- knowing that life is a journey and we are pilgrims and there are moments of beauty and moments of broken-and most times we are somewhere in-between.Learning how to parent a toddler has me on both sides of the extreme most days. When "R" gets up, he's usually so happy and giddy to see us. He giggles and smiles and is just so happy for the day. It truly is a beautiful thing (have I ever woken up like that!? This is one question I'd love to ask my mom if she were here). Or when one of us comes home after work and he squeals and laughs and runs to the door to give us a hug. There are lots of little moments like this. The pure joy that exudes from his smile is something special. And I already come to the brink of tears thinking about the day I will no longer get to be the one to receive that smile in the mornings or when I come back from being gone. For now, I am trying to savor those sweet moments.Then there are the broken moments - the tantrums and the things that set him of can drive me crazy. "Sorry I offered you a banana! Jeez, I didn't know that would make you so mad!" And saying "no" to anything is a big problem around here. "No- you can't put your face in the dog bowl and drink out of it!". "No- Please don't put your toys in the diaper-filled trash and try to dig them out!" Then it's crying, screaming, and throwing himself on the floor. I know you parents of kids know this all too well. These are the moments that I feel so exhausted and question why we're doing this. Why did we sign up to take care of and love and temporarily raise someone else's baby? Why are we putting ourselves through the stress of parenting and not knowing how long he will be with us. Why are we putting our hearts on the line!?I don't know if I have the answer to these questions. I bet lots of foster parents ask these questions all the time. And I know parents of biological kids wonder, too. But there is an extra stress of not knowing, of not being able to call them your "own" like so many bio parents do.This gob is hard. Parenting is hard. Foster-parenting is hard. But there's a beauty in it, ]is to remember the beauty. To count it a gift and a blessing to be able to love this little guy for awhile - to count it a joy that I get to receive the love and smiles and hugs from this precious little boy - even if for a short time.

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,then your light will rise in the darkness,    and your night will become like the noonday.¹¹ The Lord will guide you always;    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land    and will strengthen your frame.You will be like a well-watered garden,    like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins    and will raise up the age-old foundations;you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings." 

-Isaiah 58: 10-12