To Be a Refuge: Making room for more

We've been considering opening our home and our hearts to children in foster care for awhile now. For many reasons, we've been hesitant. And if you're interested in adoption and/or taking care of orphans, you've probably thought about these things, too.  There seems to be a big need for a safe place for children to go- but there also seems to be big risk. Risk of attaching, falling in love, and having to let go. To be honest, this fear has been keeping us from pursuing foster care for a long time. I know the risk is real - and I know that the main goal of a foster parent is to provide a temporary safe and loving place. I had a dream recently that a friend asked me "What is your goal in this?" regarding foster care. She was adamant in my dream that I needed to go in with a clear goal in mind - which got me wondering. If I'm honest, my hope is that we would be able to create our family - that we would get to adopt and not have to 'say goodbye'. But the more I seek God's heart and the more I think about this, I know that the goal needs to be something bigger - something less about me and my desires - and more about God's desires and the best for these kids.We need to be a safe place.A REFUGE.And being a safe place means not expecting a certain outcome even though it might feel like the "right "or best thing. It means not having certain expectations on the children or the families involved or the social workers. It means creating (and being) a safe place where children know they are seen, heard, loved, and are free to feel how they feel. It means a place where they have a comfy and safe place to sleep, food to eat, kind words spoken over them, opportunity to be a kid, opportunity to learn and grow.So these are some of the questions I'm asking myself and Jesus right now:What else does it look like to be a safe place? A refuge?What does it look like to give your heart to children, attaching to them and loving them as if they were your own, and then possibly having to say goodbye forever?How do we live in a way that reflects the kind of love God had for us as orphans?What would it mean to risk your own heart for the sake of someone else's?"The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being."I think all of these questions can be answered when we look at the life of Jesus. Because of Him, God is no longer such a mystery. Because of Him, we can see what God's heart looks like, what He cares about, who He cares about. Jesus was always looking out for those who were left out, looked down upon, broken, lost, rejected. And He was always looking for a way to show his tender love and compassionate heart."For You have been a defense for the helpless, A defense for the needy in his distress, A refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat..." -Isaiah 25:4UPDATE: I wrote these words above before our first placement. And last week, two days after we signed the completed home study, we got the call. I was in Aspen for some photoshoots and got the call just a few hours after I had gotten there. I called Dan right away and asked if he wanted to take in two boys under two for an emergency placement - they would be showing up to our home within a few hours. Dan said yes and I turned around and drove back home (a nearly five hour drive!) So the boys came in like a whirlwind. A two-year old and a 6 month old.We did our best to learn quickly what they needed, how to love and care for them, and how to survive on little-to-no-sleep. We were overwhelmed by the goodness of our community - the love and support poured out on us and the two boys during those five days was humbling and holy.We did not know how long to expect they would be with us. And to our surprise, it was a quick five days. We felt like we were thrown into the midst of this wild story that we had a little part in. It was chaotic, challenging, wild, and good. And after we said goodbye, Dan and I looked at eachother and laughed and cried. Because we didn't know how or what to feel. We didn't know what had just happened to us. We didn't know what happened to our sleep, our home, our "normal' life. And we knew that God had just started something crazy and hard and beautiful in our lives. After these five days of feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and thankful, we questioned this path because of how hard we know it will be to keep saying goodbye. But- we know that we're supposed to be here. We trust in His guidance, provision, and His call to love without fear.And now, we wait again. We wait for the next phone call that will turn into that beautiful interruption that is foster care. I keep asking God what I'm supposed to do. And all I keep hearing is:"MAKE ROOM".