Are you even out there?

Dear Beloveds,My heart is on the brink of giving up. I never thought I'd say those words during this journey. I've felt so hopeful most of the time. I've felt so sure of God's faithfulness and promises this whole time- rarely wavering through the feelings of disappointment and what felt like lost time and money and efforts.But today, I feel tired. Tired of waiting, tired of feeling hopeful and then let down. Tired and broken over all the beautiful families I see and all the laughing kids and baby photos and pregnant bellies. We all have our different struggles in life...I try not to complain much or be too sad often because I know what others go through in this life can be painful and difficult on levels I can't even comprehend. But I also know that regardless of the type of brokenness, much of it feels the same: a overwhelming sadness, a pit in the stomach, an emptiness that seems like it won't be filled, a lack of desire to even speak the words. It's okay to grieve.I wonder if I might get to really meet you some day. I wonder why it's taking so long, and why we've felt mislead.  I wonder if this time fails, we will be able to pick ourselves up and try again?  I don't know. What I do know is that there a lot of people who love us, and a God who sees us (even when we don't feel like it's true), and people who are praying for you to be ours one day.I think I still have a tiny inkling of hope that one day, you will be here.  One day (whether it be in two months or two years) I will be able to see beyond what I feel today, and know how God worked his timing perfectly to have you, specifically you, in our arms. I'm holding on to that inkling.I have to.