Room in our hearts.

The range of emotion one can go through in a matter of a day - even minutes, is amazing. It's sometimes draining, frustrating, mysterious, but it always reminds us of the uniqueness of the human experience. The fact that we have such deep feelings and emotion (even the painful ones) allows for the beautiful and meaningful experiences we have in this life.Today, I've felt that radical range of emotion.  Joy, thankfulness, exhaustion, frustration, anger at all the paperwork I have to keep re-doing and re-sending for our adoption.One of the places I like to visit in times of sorrow or frustration, times where I know I need a truth-reminder, is Anne's blog A Holy Experience. She recently took a trip to visit Katie Davis in Uganda and write about her story here.  I got to meet Katie, too- last summer. One of the beautiful things about her is her humility and desire to not be praised, to not be seen as someone extra-ordinary...but as someone just following the call of Jesus.  Ann writes beautifully about her time with Katie, who is extraordindary woman, but because of her love and relationship to Jesus....Her love points us to Him.  Anne writes about the struggle some of us feel about wanting to live a radical life - that secret (or sometimes not-so-secret) desire to drop everything, move to Africa and "live wholeheartly for God"..."We want clarity; God wants us to come closer. Life is always clear when you press closer and see it through the sheer love of God..."As we've shared with a few people already, we have been searching for clarity in our adoption process. We've heard some not-so-great news about the state of adoption in Uganda and some confirmation from our agency on the things which I feared were happening. Corruption, unethical practices, exploitation of vulnerable people. It's heart-breaking and so, so frustrating. Because we know there are children there- many children who really do need a family. Many children who (regardless if they have surviving family members or not) will spend their childhood in orphanages vying for hugs, connection, food, clothing, attention from a few adults. In a perfect world, these children would not have to be in that situation. They would have loving mothers and fathers who have the means to take care of them. But in our broken world, there are loving fathers and mothers who wish desperately that they could provide, but know they can't. And in Uganda and other places in the world, it's not because the don't want to, but because there are not options.So we are at a crossroads. We feel God called us to trust and walk forward with pursuing siblings from Uganda, but we also know that with the state of things now, it may be a lot longer than expected. It could be years upon years. So what now? We are in our 30's. We are not so much "ready" but as ready as we'll ever be to start our family.  So we're asking for clarity. But God wans close-ness. His aim for us, his beloveds, is nearness to Him. An intimacy so deep, so beautiful, so close, that we no longer need answers. Just nearness."Living radical isn’t about where you live — it’s about how you love....It’s about realizing– Love doesn’t happen when you arrive in a certain place. It happens when yourheart arrives in a certain place – wherever you are, right where you are, dirt road Africa or side street America...Because it isn’t where we love. It’s how we love. It’s who we love. The reward of loving is in the loving; loving is itself the great outcome of loving. The success of loving is in how we change because we kept on loving – regardless of any thing else changing. The value of loving is in the value of being like Christ."So for me, this is why I'm longing to adopt. Why we are saying yes to whatever (and whomever!) God has in store for our family."Our actual theology is best expressed in our actual hospitality...Hospitality is Life with no Gates. Hospitality means if there is room in the heart — there is always room in the house..."So this week, we are finishing and sending in our dossier for Uganda. We will wait. And in the mean-time, we are moving forward in pursuing a domestic adoption as well. God has given us a home, He's opening our hearts, and now we wait to see how and when HE will fill the rooms."Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!"  -Ephesians 3:20-21 *Dan and I are humbled and grateful for the financial support and still need more to reach our goal of adopting siblings from Uganda as well as a child from the US. Please click on the "Support us" link or e-mail me with any quesitons (abby mortenson at gmail dot com). We are so so grateful. *